Visiting Maple Grove Community Church during their honeymoon, Brendan and Tanya glanced at each other with raised eyebrows when they realized that the pastor was a woman. Both came from churches where there had been unchallenged agreement that the Bible limits the pastoral office to men. They grew up being reminded that the Bible commands that women “should remain silent” in the church (1 Cor. 14:34)and that they are notpermitted “to teach or to have authority over a man”(1 Tim.2:23).

Just a few weeks earlier Brendan’s pastor, Rev. Cal Samson, had preached that the reason many churches were compromising on that conviction was a desire to be politically correctand to be accepted in a culture that rejects God and His truth. When a ripple of “amens” signaled the congregation’s approval, Tanya whispered impishly in her fiancé’sear, “That sounded like a lot of masculine voices.”

After church that day, anticipation of their fast-approaching wedding quickly overshadowed any questions they might otherwise have discussed about gender roles in the church. Besides, it was easier to just go along with the program than to risk questioning such a strongly held conviction of their church, especially when the Scriptures seemed undeniably clear.

But on that honeymoon Sunday, over lunch in a fancy Italian restaurant, the newlyweds talked about the sermon. They agreed that the sermon was both biblically sound and personally relevant. But actually, they talked less about the sermon than about the gender of the person who delivered it. “I had a hard time getting past the fact that the pastor was a woman,” Tanya reflected. “But once I did, I thought the sermon was really great. I’ve heard a lot of sermons on that passage, but she brought out some insights I don’t remember ever hearing.”

“Maybe that’s because women don’t think like men,” Brendan said half teasingly as he reached out to gently wipe spaghetti sauce off Tanya’s chin with his thumb.

“No kidding,” Tanya responded, the corners of her eyes crinkling in a way that Brendan thought was really cute.“Maybe if there were more women pastors we’d all be able to think more biblically.”

Brendan rolled his eyes.

“Seriously,” she continued, “I didan online Bible study on gender roles last year and it left me more confused than ever. It seemed that in different passages the Bible contradicts itself by advocating for both sides of the question. I’d never admit it at our church, but some of the things Paul wrote in his New Testament letters seem downright misogynistic. It’s like he had a grudge against women.Seriously, some of my friends think the Bible was written by men and for men, portraying an exclusively male God.”

“I know what you’re saying,” Brendan responded, “but we’ve always been taught that the Bible is trustworthy and doesn’t contradictitself. I guess I’ve just gone along with what my pastors have taught and never seriously looked into the question for myself. On the other hand, if the Bible is so clear about this, why is there so much debate about it? Haven’t somedenominations even split over this? Do you think it’s all about compromise, oris it possible that the church has gotten it wrong for hundreds of years? Is that even conceivable?”

Brendan rubbed the hockey scar on his chin the way he did sometimes when he was concentrating hard on something.

“What are you thinking about?” Tanya pressed.

“Well, I was just remembering when Tommy Sanders stayed over and went to church with me one Sunday.”

“Is he the one you played hockeywith in high school?” Tanyaasked. “The one you hoped would become a Christian?”

“Yeah, that’s Tommy. Anyway, after church he asked me whether our church ever had a woman pastor. I told him no and showed him the verse about women being silent in church. I remember the stunned look on his face. He said, ‘Women can’t talk in church? You can’t be serious!’ He would never come back to church with me after that.”

“While we’re on the subject,” Tanya said with a conspiratorial wink, “what about the whole thing about wives submitting to their husbands? Maybe we should take another look at that too . . . or is that a little too threatening for your macho ego?”

“Ouch!”Brendan held his hands over his gut as if he’d been stabbed. “Now you’re really going too far. Give a woman an inch and she’ll always—” He was interrupted by a good-natured slap on his arm. “Okay, okay. I know when it’s time to stand down. I guess we ought to take another look at what the Bible says about that too. But where do we start?”

“We can figure that out . . . but not today.”Tanya leaned in close to Brendan’s ear as she seductively whispered, “I’ve got something else in mind when we get back to the hotel. Maybe we can investigate some gender roles of our own.”

NOTE: This imaginary story (one of a number) is near the beginning of my book in chapter one. I hope that you will join me, along with “Tanya and Brendan,” on a journey to discover what the Bible actually says about gender roles in church. What I discovered was amazing, shocking, revealing, and wonderful. I guarantee you will be presented with some new insights into what the Bible says and whether or not you agree with my conclusions, I believe that you will appreciate the respect, carefulness, and seriousness with which I handle the relevant Scriptures. Could I suggest that you purchase a copy for your pastor: