The Song of Solomon is an amazing ancient love song found in the Old Testament of the Bible. It is the song/story of King Solomon and a commoner shepherdess called the Shulemite.

The love song is almost entirely made up the words they spoke to each other.

Shulamith uses far more words than Solomon. Is that a surprise? Women are typically more verbal than men.

Both need to be willing recognize, accept, adjust to, not criticize, and not try to change what is often a built-in gender difference.

Rather than allowing this gender difference to frustrate (“She’s always talking.” “He never talks to me.”) perhaps both genders need to focus on developing listening skills. After all, words have little value if no one hears them.

If she talks more, he needs to focus on being an active and patient listener, responding intelligently to what she says or asks, not just grunting occasionally while continuing to text, work on his computer, or watch TV.

If he doesn’t talk very much, she needs to work at being a discerning and encouraging listener — listening beyond the mere words but also drawing him out with questions and patiently waiting for his response — not filling the silence with more of her own talk.

Focused listening — stopping what you are doing and giving eye contact — is a valuable love gift. After all, it takes TIME to listen, and time is one of our most valuable non-renewable resources.

After all, the best lover is a great listener.

We can all learn from Solomon’s great line, “Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet.” How did it make her feel to hear him say that he valued her words and invited her to talk more? “Talk to me, Honey. I really want to hear what you think.” How did it make him feel when her words were “sweet” rather than harsh, critical, or accusing?

Loving words matter. They are the building blocks of a strong marriage. Focused listening unleashes their power.